Somehow-

Somehow, no matter how cool i play it, things always seem to get messed up.
Somehow, no matter how hard i try, things are always out of my control.

Trust me, i know that sometimes, not being in control can be the most beautiful thing.

But with me, it's really a security issue.

I play my part well, smile and bat my lashes, let you kiss me but not too much.
and somehow, it never works out.

So much easier to keep my heart locked up in my chest.

For some reason i feel that if my heart isn't out on my sleeve at all times, i'm missing out on something.
Maybe the only thing i'm missing out on is happiness.

Stop tugging and pulling, then pushing and running.
Our wires are all tangled up, our signals all over the place.

The negative side of things.

All i can focus on right now is the things i've lost.

i feel the negative space where you were, everywhere in my life.

Getting over things is so much harder for me when i realize how easy it is for you.

I know I think too much but this one needed to be thought through.

Whether you can admit it or not, you've replaced me.

And when it comes down to it, you're completely fine with it.

One day i wont need you.
And one day you'll realize what a big mistake you've made.

Puddles.

Funny how one little action can send your whole life into a tailspin.

it's like dropping a stone into water, the ripples start small but get bigger and bigger, until i'm drowning in them.

Under the water it's harder to see mistakes clearly, harder to breathe, inhale the aftermath of what i started, inadvertently yes, but nonetheless started.

My eyes are blurry with water from the waves or what might be tears.

Maybe i'm a bad person. You don't need me. I guess i'll go my own way.

I could go ahead and blame myself and wallow in self pity.

but it really seems more intelligent to apologize and walk away.

Just another walk through a puddle. Ripples start up, get bigger, but eventually fade away.

And then, its as if they were never there at all.

I thought you were worth drowning for.

But i'm going to go ahead and pull myself up, dry off, keep on walking, and keep on living my life.

You don't need me, I don't need you.

Leaves.

Funny how when you aren't paying attention, time passes like the leafs of a tree, falling and dying, turning from vibrant red to dull gray.

what was once a bright, beautiful living thing that people admired and acknowledged is now laying on the ground, stomped on, ripped apart and dried up, unnoticed and forgotten.

You never notice how much things have changed until you take the time to go back and realize how they really were.. how you really felt and acted... and see how much you really have turned, bled out, changed color, fell down, gotten back up, lit up like a fall leaf, or died out like a winter one.

You never realize how free you were, up in that tree, vibrant and blowing in the wind, until your down in the gutter, gray and shredded from seeing and feeling and hurting too much.

I do my best to acknowledge all the fallen leaves, the fading memories, i try to remember everything, catalog all the things i learned and never forget that at some point it was exactly what i wanted.

Instead of sweeping the leaves into the bags to be recycled, i want to keep them in my heart, fresh on my mind, to remember each crack and color they turned before fading away into the earth.

things may be in the past, but they are never forgotten.